{ 31.10.01 }

I'm grateful for little treats in the mailbox, like Leesa's greysweater zine, which was tucked in behind a Yankee Candle catalogue. It's a really lovely little zine - cute and bursting with her wonderful personality. I really recommend getting it.

I love it when I get things in the mail unexpectedly - or even when they're expected, but I forget about them and when they arrive, it's just so nice. I got a wonderful Edward Gorey calander (on the subject of forgotten murderesses) from my friend Sarah, and a tin of Milo from Lor - these things were very cool and I felt bad that I forgot to mention them here among all of the gratefulness I have going on here.

Today it was Halloween - my first! We hung out at Nathan's parent's house... I carved my first pumpkin. It had a big happy smile which didn't impress Bobby (bro-in-law) - he said that they're meant to look mean. Then again, he carved his with a huge hole for a mouth, letting the stringy, sticky innards and seeds spill out to look like the pumpkin was puking everywhere!

One of the highlights was giving out candy from the cute ghosty-decorated Halloween tin my mum bought us before she went back to Australia. There weren't that many kids which meant that I was constantly nibbling on little squares of chocolate and tootsie rolls (and tootsie pops that scratched up my tongue pretty bad because I'm awful about just sucking on lollipops - I always have to crunch them). The kids were so cute - there was a princess and a Teletubbie and a Pocahontas (who didn't have a bag or lantern container, and held out her cupped hands to receive candy, exclaiming in a big giggly voice that the jack o' lantern was puking) and a fairy and a scary little boy (or girl) wearing a black cape with a hood and a fencer's mask - I couldn't see their face at all. Very spooky.

I have a tummy ache from all of the lollies but it was still a nice night, and I can't complain about that!

Happy Halloween/Samhain, everyone!

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{ 29.10.01 }

I'm grateful for the glorious colours of autumn.

I have wholemeal apple and cinnamon muffins baking away in the oven. If they turn out any good (I've been experimenting with proportions of ingredients and such to ensure a moist texture despite the absence of any butter or oil) I'll post the recipe. Which reminds me that I need to repost the pikelet recipe. All in good time... I'll do that this afternoon after my visit to the fitness centre.

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{ 25.10.01 }

I'm grateful for friends who not only respond to cries for help but absolutely heap kindness on top of that! Candi redesigned my log as well as sorting out my Greymatter problems... hero status, hero status! ;-)

I'm also grateful for Martha Stewart and her various TV programs & magazine. Sounds silly, but it's sort of an escape for me, plus it motivates me to get up early in this woeful period of unemployment. I love watching crafty things being made from beginning to end, enjoy learning new skills, finding new recipes, and seeing this orderly, perfect world on the TV, where everything is designed beautifully and flows smoothly. I love the everyday world just fine, with it's clutter & dirty dishes & broken cookies, but sometimes you want to see something really pretty and neat.

And (today is bonus day for gratitude), I'm grateful for the helpfulness and trustworthiness of strangers. I put out the request for a missed Buffy episode on Scoop Me!, and today got the tape. I didn't doubt for a moment that I was sending a cheque for postage to someone with honourable intentions, but sometimes the world tries to convince you that everything's a scam. Not everything is! I've also learnt that true Buffy fans will help each other out. ;-) Thankyou, LeAnn!

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{ 20.10.01 }

I am grateful for the release of writing - whether it's online, in my journal, in my notebook, or just on a scrap piece of paper. It might not be any good and my words may not form into some breathtaking configuration of prose, but it helps purge the bad and the negative from my system. It's good to do that.

In other news, I've posted a wee selection of photos from our trip to Graceland, and will get the rest up soon, probably in a format that allows for thumbnails and clickage instead of just a list of files. I've also put up the wedding pictures, but not in a pretty little site yet like I was planning. And I've been writing in the journal of late too, but nothing interesting. I have to get my archives up and done properly... this will happen eventually.

Of course, I've been writing in the log a lot too, that's where I do most of my stuff. It ranges from linkylove fests to musings on homesickness. I've been doing it for just over a year and I'm in dire need of a redesign, which should come soon, you know, whenever I can be bothered.

Other news: my nephew Dylan is now two years old, and my sister and brother-in-law are now a year older, too. (Bailey is the black sheep - his birthday is in April.) Lots of happy birthdays to my family!

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{ 14.10.01 }

I'm grateful for self-expression... ways I can let myself be known. Words, both verbal and written... pencils and sketchpads so I can try to draw things... the encouragement of others that helps me come out of my shell more and do more with my words and images.

Sometimes I feel like a big dork sharing my feelings and musings and little pictures. I don't share my pictures a lot because I'm afraid someone will say, "That's crap" or "You're not as good as such-and-such comic book artist" or "You'll never be J. Scott Campbell or Jim Mahfood or Adam Warren or Trina Robbins or Andy Park and you'll never write comicbooks or even work as a janitor for a comicbook house so don't even bother."

I think I might start sharing my pictures around. No matter how crap they are. No matter how much self-doubt has manifested itself inside my head for most of my formative years.

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{ 5.10.01 }

I'm grateful for a wonderful friend who went to great lengths to get episodes of my favourite TV show taped and then sent the tape express so I could get the tape within five days so I could have myself a whole day o' Buffyness! Happy Buffy Day everybody..! ;-)

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{ 3.10.01 }

I'm grateful for orange butterflies. I was walking this (yesterday) morning thinking about how I've seen a lot of them floating and flittering above my head while I walk my regular route, how their wings seem to glow with the sunlight shining through them. I wondered to myself if perhaps they are messages from God; which was a weird thought considering how unsure I am of the idea of God at this time in my life. I thought, "If they're messages from God, if I ask for one now will it appear to confirm that?" but of course, you can't just ask for a sign from God... because if there is one, S/he works in mysterious ways. Soon enough, though, I saw another orange butterfly. It's probably just the area I live in and the current pre-autumn climate. Most likely, really, but it's nice to think that maybe butterflies are something more than just beautifuly winged insects.

+ + +

In the early hours of this morning we sat in a booth in the quiet non-smoking section of the local IHOP, where only one other booth was occupied (compared to about ten in the smoking section). I wanted to eat pancakes late at night, writing bad poetry and generally fulfilling some cliche of the "arty person", being different in the same way as everybody else. (I think a lot of us want to do that - appear interesting even though maybe we're not.)

Our waitress said, "You have really nice eyes - like cats eyes", making a gesture to indicate the upward slant my eyes take, "-women have surgery to have eyes like that!"

I said "Thankyou!" - actually took a compliment gracefully. So, I'm also grateful for compliments and grateful for, just this once, being able to take one properly, putting aside my shyness and low-self-esteem for a second just to do that.

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