27.2.00

Pain and Tears

27.2.00

Today was a day of tears and yelling. My throat is still hoarse from the screamed defenses thrown at my father - not that any of them did any good, or indeed did any sort of defending.

Never argue with a drunk man with a superiority complex. It will give you a headache, it will upset you, it will drive you to despair.

I have a problem controlling my temper sometimes, and I can be baited well. If someone knows what will get to me, I will react, and later I will feel foolish for doing so. Yet it's not something I do voluntarily; I never stop to think that maybe, just maybe, when my father tells me my life will be a failure and that he wants to kill my beloved - he's just trying to get me to react. I just scream and yell and try to make him see, try to make him understand that he's being hurtful and tearing me apart.

I guess trying to tell him that just gives him an advantage.

We're leaving on the 7th of April now - this can be blamed on a slight miscommunication, but mostly on the airline. (Sounds like a cop-out, but really... is it so hard to change a reservation? With everything done by computers these days, and our tickets not even physically manifested yet, you would think it wouldn't be so hard to change the 7th to the 10th when the flights and seats are clearly available. It disappoints me, but I've dealt with it and moved on.)

I broke the news to my mother, and predictably enough, she cried.

I felt guilty telling her - it was the last thing she needed to hear, given that her husband was treating her like shit again. Treating us both like we were lower than dirt.

It is a day full of sighs.

On a lighter note, I put up my Grammy piece - you can go check it out if you like.

(Nothing like a little pimping to sooth the soul.)

...

Night, all.