16.6.00

Almost An Ultimatum

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Oh... hi, Amazon... sorry I have to leave this message on your answering machine, but it's so hard to get in touch with you, you know? You're always so busy, and I have my own life to lead, too. I don't want you to think I'm criticising you. You know I could never hurt you, right? But there's just some stuff I have to get off my chest, and I know we'll both feel better once I've said my piece.

Everytime I log in to your site, on the off-chance that I might want to buy a book from you, I'd appreciate it if you didn't attempt to recommend titles to me based on past purchases. Yes, I know I bought "American Psycho" from you about a year ago; I hated the book, and I think that Bret Easton Ellis is one of the more disturbed literary voices I've ever had the displeasure of reading. I don't think I'm going to peruse the rest of his catalogue any time soon. So please, stop telling me that you think I'd like "Less Than Zero", because I'm not. Going. To read it.

Yes, I bought Camryn Manheim's wonderful autobiography, "Wake Up! I'm Fat!"; this doesn't mean that I want to look at every fat-friendly book on the market. In fact, everytime I visit you and I see another book about sassy overweight women, or a relationship handbook, i.e.: "Sexy at Any Size : A Real Woman's Guide to Dating and Romance", I have to remind myself that it's not a personal comment about me. Are you trying to tell me something? Am I not pretty enough for you?

Yes, I bought "Cunt" by Inga Muscio, and it is a righteous piece of feminist reading material. I love it, my friends who borrowed it from me love it, it's great. But I think I'm well enough in touch with my genital workings - pardon the expression - and my femaleness as a whole, that I don't need to be offered a book titled "Clit Notes". No offense or anything, I know that you only did it with me in mind. I appreciate that, I really do.

<sigh> .... I'm sorry I'm wasting so much space on your machine... I guess I'd best let you go now, you're probably ultra-busy. If you can get back to me some time, that'd be great. No pressure though, okay? Love you.

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