10.03.02

trying to convince myself that i'm okay
picking up the pieces one by one
as if they were precious particles of myself
instead of something irreversibly broken:
is this what it's like
to live one day at a time?

learning how to love myself again,
as i must have done when i was a child
carefree and able to fly
without a the gravity of self-hate tying me down:
is this what it's like
to live one day at a time?

forgiving myself for imagined slips and lapses
forcing my hands down at my sides
instead of letting them bruise
whatever they can hit, as punishment:
is this what it's like
to live one day at a time?

wading through the pain to make it through
inviting light in rather than shutting it out
learning to let the world see me
instead of hiding in the shadows:
is this what it's like
to live one day at a time?

it's difficult, you know.
maybe harder than you think it should be for me
to "get over it", "get better", "get normal".
lay off: i'm trying, okay?
that's all i can be expected to do.
i reject the word "failure"
and all it has done to me in my lifetime.
that's what it's like
to live one day at a time:
forgiving myself and forgetting about failure vs. success.

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