14.02.02

here's a dark corridor
there i am running down, trying to find the door
bring me a new light
so i can see my path
let the flame touch my pain
singe the edges,
watch the smoke rise up and up
sending signals out the tiny crack of window,
released into the night
like impermanent stars

i found the door but it was locked
had to wait 'til dawn to be let out

you brought the light but i didn't realise
because i found myself blind
i could have been surrounded
by a thousand paper lanterns,
curled around tiny votive candles
a massive glow surrounding me
like my own personal sun
and i still wouldn't have seen it
because my eyes have grown over
with the unwillingness to see
the truth

(what truth? my truth, wrapped in the seductive ache of years gone by)

i feed that feeling
hoping that if it were at once satisfied,
it would get up and leave
instead it grows heavy with sleep
and decides to spend the night
because its belly is too full to handle it all

corridors and rooms and locks that won't open
this terrifying darkness folding over my eyes

i can't handle it anymore,
but i will, i will, i will
i have to go on,
not because i want to,
but because...

(moths flutter around that light,
i can feel their wings against my face
and it makes me want to scream)

but because some have said
that they need me
i can't believe it entirely,

but i can't take a chance,
because they could be telling the truth

(the real truth, not the one i keep telling myself).

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